How to Break Up with a Bad Habit
If you are a human being, it’s very likely that you’ve picked up some unhealthy habits to get you through the day. Which is totally understandable! Whether you’re feeling anxious, sad, numb, or angry, it’s ok to not be okay. And when we’re upset, all we really want is to feel better. Unfortunately, many of the ways in which we make ourselves feel better aren’t always the healthiest or most helpful. And yes, given the capitalistic and oppressive world we live in, there’s no shame in wanting to numb out and take a break from the scary reality we’re living in right now.
At the same time, the more we engage in a certain behavior, the more ingrained and habitual that behavior becomes. So that habit of binge-watching TikTok until 4:00 am every night becomes more powerful and more difficult to break the more you do it. And let’s face it, life since the pandemic is like the Wild West. The rules are different, our standards have changed, and we’re all just trying to survive. Whether your bad habits existed before quarantine or developed during quarantine, it might be time to think about what’s next and how you can help make returning to normal life a little bit easier.
So… how do you break a habit?
Step 1: Bring awareness to the behaviors you’re engaging in and start to identify which behaviors result in negative consequences in both the short-term and long-term. When you’re hurting, it’s natural to want immediate relief from the pain. Oftentimes, a behavior that provides short-term immediate relief from pain (e.g. through numbing out, disconnecting, avoiding) also ends up creating more problems in the future. It’s important to think about pros and cons of the long-term consequences as well as the short-term ones.
Step 2: Slow down. When you’re noticing a desire or urge to engage in that bad habit again, try to pause before doing anything. Take a deep breath. Don’t react. Reset.
Step 3: Reflect on the pros and cons of acting on that impulse or thought. Remind yourself that you have options and you have control over the choices you make.
Step 4: Make an informed and conscious decision about how to proceed. Bad habits are hard to break because they become automatic over time. Notice what habits you want to change, slow down, and make the choice to respond differently. Good habits are formed the same way bad habits are. You just have to make the conscious choice to practice these new habits consistently and over a long period of time in order for them to become habitual.
One way to make this process a little easier is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness helps to reduce emotional reactivity and allows us to be more present and aware of our thoughts and behaviors. Mindfulness is a bad habit’s worst nightmare.
And one more thing before you start busting all your destructive habits! Remember to be compassionate to yourself throughout the process. You’re going to struggle, you’re going to slip up, you’re going to have bad days and you’re going to want to quit. So be kind to yourself and remember that no habit is built or broken overnight.
References:
https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/what-it-takes-to-break-a-habit-its-more-than-21-days/
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.