Be Afraid & Do it Anways

We all have metaphorical monsters under the bed that keep us up at night. For some of you reading this article, you might say your monsters under the bed are more tangible fears, like a fear of spiders or a fear of elevators. For others, you might say your biggest fear goes a little deeper, like the fear of being alone, fear of failure, or fear of disappointment. Regardless of what you’re afraid of, we all experience fear. It’s innate in our DNA. Fear helps us respond quickly to avoid danger. However, sometimes we experience fear even when there is no actual threat of danger or harm. For example, you might experience the exact same heart-pounding, stomach churning feeling of fear when you’re about to give a presentation at work that you might experience when the car in front of you slams on their breaks unexpectedly.

While it’s natural to avoid things that make us feel scared or uncomfortable, when that fear isn’t based on any real facts or evidence of danger or harm, avoidance reinforces the message that we should be afraid, which ultimately increases our fear. Sometimes when we’re afraid, the biggest monster we have to face is the monster of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is a form of avoidance. We self-sabotage when we’re afraid to fail and we self-sabotage to avoid feelings of disappointment or shame.

If you feel like a hamster stuck on a wheel, then you might be engaging in self-sabotage or unhelpful avoidance behaviors. Fear and avoidance can keep you stuck and ultimately prevent you from taking the necessary steps needed to grow and make progress. It’s important to remember that feelings of discomfort can be a positive experience and often goes hand in hand with change. After all, we’re creatures of habit and we crave comfort and predictability for a sense of safety in a world that can sometimes feel like a real life Halloween horror film. 

If you want to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage, you have to break-up with the idea of living a life of perfection and always being in control.

Recognize that reward, growth, and personal development involve risk. Growth rarely exists without discomfort because you are doing something new and different where the outcome is often unknown. Typically, the anticipation of a feared consequence (e.g. failing a test, messing up a presentation, saying the “wrong” thing, etc.) is often worse than the experience itself. In order to face your fears, you have to push yourself into the zone of discomfort and do it over and over again so that you increase your tolerance for the feeling of discomfort and learn that you are capable and can handle the resulting outcome. 

It’s also important to remember that we’re all afraid of something. There is seldom reward without risk. When you’re afraid of the unknown, remind yourself that you are capable and imagine yourself effectively managing your worst case scenario if it happens. You might find in the end that the scary, menacing creature under your bed is nothing more than a few dust bunnies.